Guest Blog: Changing a Critical and Self-Critical Nature By Julie Jameson

I have a friend who thrives on wanting to be helpful. He’s observant, experienced and insightful, applying new things to his life all the time. Sometimes, though, he’s convinced whatever works for him should work for you, and insists on you taking action. If you don’t, there are subtle and not-so-subtle feelings that he’s judging you for your unwillingness to do as he thinks is best for you.

This desire to change others and not accept them as they are may be a mirror of what is going on inside of us. We all are in a state of growth, but if the imperative to change comes from a need to control or a sense that we’re imperfect, we are like the proverbial dog, always chasing our tail. We are never going to love ourselves fully because there’s some other way we could’ve been “better.” On the other hand, if we love ourselves completely and unconditionally, we can listen to our whole being, making changes from a place of love and desire to expand.

How do you change your own self-critical nature? And how do you change the feelings of inadequacy if you’re on the receiving end of a critical person’s attention?

Tools for self-criticism:

• Bring awareness and focus to your words, thoughts and actions to discover where and how you express self-criticism. Do this from a place of love, without judgment.
• Visualize the self-criticism being cancelled and cleared by picturing a large eraser or purifying waterfall/shower (or the image that works for you) cleansing your mind, body, emotions and spirit. 
• As you release the self-criticism, replace it with expressions of self-gratitude and positive loving affirmations. Example: “I love, accept and approve of myself.” Visualize all of you (mind, body, emotions and spirit) absorbing and accepting this self love.
• You can also add your breath as a tool. As you exhale, breath out the self-criticism. With every inhale, breathe self-love into every part of you. With increased consciousness and practice, self-criticism shows up less and is replaced by a state of greater self love.

Tools for letting go of criticism from others:

What comes from outside of ourselves, from others, speaks of them and where they are in the moment.  It is up to us as to whether we choose to become reactive to criticism from others. If you find yourself becoming reactive, give the energy of the criticism back to the person: picture it flowing back to them, as if you were declining a gift. Allow yourself to feel where you experienced the criticism in your mind, body and emotions and ask yourself why. If your question revealed hidden fears or insecurities, then simply acknowledge that part of you and fill it up with love. In doing this exercise, you allow others to remain as they are and you work on just your piece.